Snow Rukia and the Seven Shinigami
by JerichosPhantom
Summary: Princess Rukia is on the run from her jealous brother in law Szayel Aporro! Meanwhile, a lovestruck Renji is pursuing her to be his. Problem is, she's on the run living with seven eccentric Shinigami, who fight monsters for a living. RenRuki,Rated T
1. Prolouge:A coincidental meeting

**A/N: PLOT BUNNY POWER! I'm feeling really good about this story, there aren't enough Fairy tale Bleach crossover thingys.**

**Pairings: RenRuki, ByaHisa, RanGin, with a dash of UlquiHime, KiraHina, HisagiIsane (I would give them an abbreviated name, but I don't think they officially have one...)  
**

**I don't own Bleach.**

Speaking

_emphasis/thought/song_

_**Bird Speak/super emaphasis  
**_

_**Bird Speak emphasis**_

In a beautiful kingdom far away, there lived a beautiful...wait, you actually want to know _where _the Kingdom is? Gee, that never happens. Well, it's in a country called Soul Society. Anyway, in a beautiful kingdom far away, there lived a be- oh, what _now_? You want to know what the kingdom is called. Geez, this never happens in the _actual _fairy tale! In the actual fairy tale, you just say they live in a nice kingdom and no one cares! They could live in Pluto, as long it's a nice kingdom!

Fine, In the beautiful Kingdom of Seretei, in the bountiful land of Soul Society, there lived a beautiful princess. Her name was Rukia.

Her last name will not be divulged for security reasons.

Anyway, Rukia was the younger sister of the Queen of the Kingdom, the lovely Lady Hisana. Their parents died in a tragic death just after Rukia was born, as most princess' parents do for some reason, leaving Hisana with the throne. Unfortunately, Hisana was frail and sick. Not dying, just...frail. It made running the Kingdom kinda hard. Seeing as Rukia was just a babe, she sent Rukia away to live with three wonderful fairies...

...wait...that's the wrong fairy tale...Crap!

Okay, scratch that. Seeing as Rukia was just a babe, she decided to take a husband to help run the Kingdom, and thus, married Sir Szayel Aporro Grantz of the neighboring Kingdom of Las Noches. Sadly, of all the other suitors, he was the best pick. A little depressing, but you gotta pick your battles. Unfortunately and coincidentally, Hisana soon fell into a deep coma after her marriage. There wasn't any hidden agenda, or evil wizard who _put _her into the coma, it's just that these things just tend to happen to all the people who make the protagonists life _**not **_completely suck in fairy tales. So, Rukia's lovely sister and beloved Queen fell into a coma, and Syazel ruled the land as the King. Now, you guys (hopefully) know Szayel; the dude's kinda vain. As such, he had a beautiful magic mirror in his possession and would often ask it,

_Mirror mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?_

To which the mirror would reply,

_I've know you for years, man, can't you call me by my actual name?_

…

_-sigh- It's you my King. You're the fairest. But, that Rukia is growing to be a pretty fine woman. You better watch out, she's going to grow up to be one hot chick._

Out of jealousy and paranoia, the King locked-wait, wrong story again.

Out of jealousy and paranoia, the King forced fair Rukia to a life of servitude. Dressed in a maids shift and covered in dirt, the princess worked and waited for her dear sister to awaken. But if that didn't happen by the time she was sixteen, she was taking that fruity bastard they called 'King' down. Hard.

And that, is where our story begins.

On Rukia's fifteenth birthday, she was out at the wishing well, collecting some fresh water for Szayel's flowers, muttering curses at the bastard and wondering why _he _even _had _flowers. He was a man! They don't have flowers! Live ones, anyway. Dressed in a tattered brown dress, with a simple white apron and simple brown shoes, Rukia didn't look like a princess. At all. She was beautiful though, he raven black hair was silky and shone in the light, he eyes sparkling like gems. And it wasn't from happiness, it was from the sunlight. When they sparkled from happiness, you were pretty much powerless against the dazzling beauty. Her skin was smooth and flawless, and pale like sweet cream. Unfortunately, the nick name "Cream Rukia" sounded weird, so the townsfolk exaggerated and called her "Snow Rukia". Reaching her wooden pail into the well, a small robin lighted next to her on the wishing well ledge. Rukia looked surprised, but smiled kindly at the small bird.

"Hey Momo. How's life as a bird?"

The small robin was named Momo, previously a young maid and Rukia's friend in the castle. However, Syazel was also a great sorcerer and scientist, and afraid that Momo's soft innocent beauty would surpass his own, enchanted her into a morning robin. Rukia was unaware of this, and named the robin Momo because she found the bird eerily similar to her friend. If only she knew...

A similar thing happen with Rukia's nursemaid, a maiden named Isane. However, Isnae was transformed into a timid blue jay. Once again, Rukia was unaware, and fondly named the Isane, for her lost friend.

Isnae and Momo were her best and only friends. Both as humans and birds.

Momo chirped happily, wanting to sing a morning song. Because she was a robin, and that's what robins did. Isane hopped closer to Rukia, urging her to sing. Rukia had a lovely voice, rich and strong and sweet like the best chocolate, not the obnoxious high pitched over sugary voice of the _actual _Disney Snow White. Gah, she's sooo annoying...

Rukia let a gush of air exit her mouth, blowing a single strand of hair out of her face, only for it to fall back to it's place between her eyes, extending down to brush the tip of her nose. She liked singing, but still...what if someone heard her? Momo chirped again and Rukia stood up straight, nodding confidently. "Yeah! No one else is around, I can do what I want!" She turned to Momo grinning. "Thanks Momo!"

Momo chirped happily.

Rukia spun around, swinging her wooden bucket happily.

_Can you feel the love tonight?  
The peace the evening brings  
The world, for once, in perfect harmony  
With all its living things_

She sung sweetly and clearly, blissfully unaware of the outside world.

Or the captivated young prince, who was very coincidentally walking by. Because every fairy tale needs a young prince that coincidentally walks by as the lovely female protagonist is singing. Meet Prince Renji Abarai, adopted heir to the throne of the "Bad" Side of the Kingdom, Rukongai. He was very tall and built, and could send any woman swooning with a confident smirk. With sharp chocolate cinnamon eyes, long crimson hair tied into a quirky ponytail, and jagged tattoos to mark his triumphs, he was the living incarnate of Hot BadBoy goodness. Set atop his noble steed, a pale brown (almost pink) mare, he was riding by the palace of the Seretei, casually going by his business. While the Seretei was a little too...clean...for his tastes, he came by often because they had all the good food and sake here. Quality stuff.

Anyway, Renji was clopping along atop Zabimaru (the horse), when he heard a lovely voice singing what seemed to be...The Lion King? He shrugged, _Eh, she makes it work. _Her voice was rich and sweet, yet wild and untamed, reminding him of his younger days in Rukongai district 78. True, that place was a hellhole, but they had great music. Dismounting and pulling Zabimaru to the side of the road, he began to climb the stone wall barricading him from the lovely voice. As the climbed the vine covered wall (the vines were very conveniently placed for his climbing needs), the sweet voice got louder and clearer and he hastened his climb to the top.

_So many things to tell her  
But how to make her see  
The truth about my past? Impossible!  
She'd turn away from me_

Renji finally made his way to the top of the stone cement wall, panting and vowing to work out more. He then dropped down into a thicket of bushes, letting out a muffled "Oof!" as he fell. Staying as still and silent as possible, which was pretty still and silent (he used to be a thief, give him _some_ credit), he waited until what he hoped to god was a fair maiden shrug off his "Oof" and resume singing.

_He's holding back, he's hiding  
But what, I can't decide  
Why won't he be the king I know he is  
The king I see inside?  
_

Renji slyly pushed the bushes back and set his eyes on the loveliest woman he'd ever seen. Petite and smiling, she looked like a perfect china doll. Her eyes enchanted him, glistening like stars from the heavens, blissful and free. Her raven hair was silky and shone, begging his hands to run through the strands and test their softness. Her perfectly structured face was smiling, her lips plump and full.

_Damn, she is FINE. _Renji thought, completely smitten, as he leaned forward adoringly. To far, actually, and he fell out of the thicket in plain sight, covered in leaves. _Oh boy. _Renji slowly looked up to see the lovely angel looking at him, embarrassed according to soft pink gracing her cheeks, and pissed off as hell, according to her shaking fists. Renji coughed. "Um. Hi?"

The extremely pissed off angel, looking now more like a goddess in Renji's eyes, let out a strangled scream of anger and stormed off. Renji's eyes widened. He was not going to let the potential love of his life walk away without getting her name first! If he had her name, he could come back, but without it he was screwed to a life of regret! He scrambled up and dashed after her.

"Wait! WAIT!" She heard him call behind her desperately, and she whirled on him angrily. "WHAT?!" she snapped. He grinned, nervously, to her sadistic pleasure. "Uh, hi. I'm sorry that I-"

"Trespassed on my property, and _spied_ on me?" she seethed. The handsome stranger gulped. _Wait, handsome?! _Rukia thought furiously. _No! Well, he __**is **__pretty hot...No! Focus! _He nervously fiddled with his hands. "Uh, yes?" She gave him a withering glare, and continued to storm off. He ran up after her. "Wait! What's your name?" She aimed a Glaowl, a perfect mixture of a Death Glare and Scowl, perfected over her years of serving her _dear King_ as a maid. Bastard. As predicted, he shrank back from the evil intent, but held his ground. _Impressive. _Rukia thought grudgingly. _He didn't run off screaming. _"My name is Renji Abarai." He gave a cheeky little bow, it _was_ pretty cute..._FOCUS! _Her head screamed. "And may I ask the name of the lovely lady?" He asked grinning boyishly. Rukia scowled. _Damn, that's adorable. Bastard. _She sighed. "Rukia." Renji blinked and repeated, "Rukia? As in the legendary Snow Rukia, princess of the Seretei?" Rukia scwoled. "What's your point?" Renji blinked and said, "Oh, I just, uh, didn't expect you to be so...um...."

"Dirty?" She shot at him furiously. _Figures he'd judge by appearances. Stupid Prince of Rukongai. _"Shabby?"

Renji blushed bright red, clashing horribly with his hair. "I was, uh, going to say beautiful. Ya know, in that cute china doll kinda way. And, um. Yeah. I'm just gonna stop talking now." He looked away, flustered. He wasn't used to complimenting girls for real! Or complimenting girls when he was sober! Rukia blinked. _Oh. Um...Damn, that's nice._ Rukia flushed pink again, and fiddled with her worn out apron. "Oh. Um. Thanks. What're you doing out here anyway?" Renji opened his mouth to answer when...

"RUKIA! HAVE YOU WATERED MY PLANTS YET?! I NEED YOU TO DO THE LANDRY!" Rukia twitched and muttered, "Geez, what am I, Cinderella?" She gave a small curtsy to Renji. "Later, I have...stuff. Yeah...stuff, that'll work." And with that, she raced away into the castle. Renji moved to follow and held out his hand, "Hey! Rukia!" The wooden door closed with a snap, and her footsteps faded away. As soon as she got a ways down the corridor, she leaned against the stone wall, smiling and holding the wooden pail to her chest. "Hmmmm...Renji Abarai." She murmured, tasting the sound of his name on her tongue. _Yummy. He's even cuter then Chappy!_ Blushing red at the thought, the princess returned to her work, flustered and smiling.

Outside, Renji exhaled slowly, and ran a hand through his firery hair. Grinning slowly, he looked at the door the princess just vanished through like a lovesick puppy.

"Mmmmm." He sighed. "Rukia..."

Momo and Isane exchanged glances, from their perch on a tree branch, watching the two teens.** _What do you think? _**Momo chirped quizzically. Isane pondered for a minute._**I think**, _Isane twittered, **_that things are going to get interesting._** They looked back towards the happy prince, who was climbing up the wall, humming the song Rukia had been singing merrily, before jumping over happily and bursting into the actual lyrics.

_Can you feel the love tonight?  
The peace the evening brings  
The world, for once, in perfect harmony  
With all its living things!_

The two enchanted birds looked at each other again. _**Yup,** _Isane warbled, _**things are going to get very interesting.**_

**A/N: WOO! Review and I will present you with chocolate. Nice, tasty chocolate. So Review! You know you want to.  
**


	2. Who's Who: A guide to avoid confusion!

**Snow Rukia and The Seven Shinigami- Who's Who  
**

**People:**

Snow White:** Rukia**

Prince "Charming":** Renji**

Evil Queen (or in this case, King, but he's girly enough to be a Queen): **Szayel**

Queen/King (the guy that's mentioned as the good parent, but isn't actually in the story, but will be in _this _story): **Hisana**

Huntsman: **Gin**

Huntsman's Girlfriend/Hot Maid (not actually in the story, but put in there for some good ol' shippy goddness): **Rangiku**

**Dwarfs (Shinigami):**

Byakuya: **Sleepy (there's no "Noble acting prick, who isn't actually a prick" dwarf)**

Ichigo: **Happy (he **_**used **_**to be happpy)**

Kaien: **Dopey**

Ukitake: **Doc**

Toushirou:**Grumpy**

Urahara: **Sneezy** **(...eh, I ran out of dwarfs)**

Hanatarou: **Bashful **

**Enchanted Woodland/Forest animals(?): I just wanted to put them in there.**

Grimmjow: **Panthar/Ex Las Noches Knight  
**

Ulquiorra: **Bat/Ex Las Noches Knight  
**

Orihime: **Deer/Lost Princess of Karakura  
**

Chad: **Bear/Lost Knight of Karakura  
**

Momo: **Robin/Rukia's Maid/Rukia's BFF  
**

Kira: **Turtle/Lost Knight of Seretei  
**

Hisagi: **Rabbit/Lost Knight of Rukongai/Renji's Sempai  
**

Isane: **Bluejay/Rukia's Nursemaid  
**


	3. Gin the Huntsman! Is getting married?

**A/N: Chapter Two! Thanks to the people who reviewed! You guys are awesome.**

**I don't own Bleach, the Lion King or Basshunter.**

Speaking

_emphasis/thought/song_

_**Animal Speak/super emaphasis  
**_

_**Animal Speak emphasis**_

_Previously on Snow Rukia and the Seven Shinigami:_

_The two enchanted birds looked at each other again. **Yup,** Isane warbled, **things are going to get ****very ****interesting.  
** _

The two birds were correct. Things were about to get interesting, not the interesting they thought, but definitely interesting. A couple of days passed since Rukia's birthday and her encounter with Prince Renji. Neither could stop thinking about each other, it was causing some serious problems.

_Rukia sighed. I wonder what Renji is doing right now, she thought and dropped the dishes on the counter without much thought. Well, she would've dropped the dishes on the counter if she hadn't missed and dropped them on the floor. She blinked, dazed at all the broken dishes surrounding her. "When did this happen?"_

_**Meanwhile in Rukongai**_

_Renji sighed. I wonder how Rukia is, he thought and gazed at nothing as he pictured the beautiful princess in a...Renji-ish (perverted) manner. His head tilted to the left as his daydreams continued, sighing. This wouldn't be so bad if he was, oh I don't know, not in the middle of a **sparring lesson.** _

"_Die!" Renji's head snapped up. _

"_Huh?"_

_WHACK_

_As Renji lay on the ground, dazed and ribs bruised, his sparring partner turned to his friend. "Oi Yumi," Ikkaku jerked his thumb in Renji's direction, "what's up with Renji?" Yumichika shrugged. "How would **I **know? Renji's oddities aren't worth the time of someone so beautiful." Ikkaku blinked. "...Um, sure?"  
_

_

* * *

_Syazel was pondering what was going on as he walked towards his chambers. _Rukia has been rather distant lately. _He mused, _I wonder what is going on with her..._he stopped in front a large wooden door and stepped inside. The room was very sparse and white. A single bed was placed against the window, a simple white nightstand next to the bed. In the bed lay a beautiful woman, looking very at peace. Syazel approached the bed and observed his comatose wife critically, before turning briskly and exiting the room. Their marriage was arranged, and while grateful that his wife was beautiful he feared that she was more beautiful then him. When she fell into a coma due to her poor health he was actually pleased with the results. A beautiful wife, a sister slave, and a kingdom was all his. Smirking smugly at the thought, he continued and entered his own chambers. His feet sank slightly into the plush white carpet as he walked past the circular bed towards his vast bookshelf, which took up the entire west wall. Scanning the bookshelf carefully, the grasped _Law and Society:Soul Society's rules and regulations _giving it a sharp tug. Gears turned and revealed a secret door, leading downwards into a secret laboratory. Entering the creepy dungeon labrotory (OF SCIENCE) he walked past the spell books and potions to stop in front of Fornicarás, his magical mirror. His magic mirror foretold who was the most beautiful and fair in all the land.

Approaching the mirror, Szayel smirked.

"Mirror Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"

Pink mist swirled within the mirrors depths, and a distorted reflection of himself appeared. His pink hair sported various purple drop like strands. He no longer had glasses, but of a headdress that formed a thin band across his forehead as well as extending to both sides of his head with fan-like coverings. His left eye gained purple markings that take the shape of four lines on the top and bottom, his lips stained purple. His "reflection" sighed and it's disembodied head shook side to side, exasperated.

"For the last time, call me by my actual name Szayel! It's Fornicarás! _You _named me! It's not that hard!"

Szayel raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, his foot tapping the ground impatiently. Fornicarás sighed. "Alright, let's see....Hmmm, well, she's-...no, no, AH! Got it! The fairest one of all Soul Society is-! Oh..crap!... Uh...it's... you?" Fornicarás tried feebly, wincing. Szayel's expression grew dangerous, boarding on insanity.

"_Fornicarás." _He hissed, enraged. "_Who is the fairest?"_

Fornicarás winced. _Knew this was going to happen someday. _"Um its..." he sighed, his floating head hanging. "It's Rukia sir. Rukia is the fairest of them all." He tilted his eyes upwards hesitantly. Szayel was taking the news well, he was only shaking a little. Wait, something seems a little off..

"Ha...ha....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Szayel threw his head back, laughing insanely, his mouth and eyes open wider then what should be possible. He collapsed in a fit of twisted and insane giggles, grinning more twisted then the Joker. He stood up, back hunched and arms hanging limp.

"Ha Ha...Sou...ka...Ha..."Szayel giggled crazily. "Well, ha, guess there's nothing I can do..." Fornicarás sighed in relief. _Oh good. For a second I thought he finally snapped._

"Guess I'll have to kill _dear_ Nee-chan." Fornicarás choked on mist. "WHAT?!" Szayel strolled towards a cage full of purple butterflies and called one over. "Come here, dear pet." he crooned, the butterfly landing on his finger. "Go to the Huntsman Gin Ichimaru and tell him to _kill _the princess." He grinned as the Hell Butterfly took off, and swung around towards his mirror grinning, his glasses askew and his hair a mess. "Well, lets see who the fairest is _now_."

_Yup. _Fornicarás thought sadly. _He's finally snapped._

* * *

Rukia hummed merrily as she walked down the road picking flowers for the castle center pieces. Hey, every fairy tale needs the female protagonist to go flower picking at _some _point in the story. She smiled happily as she came across a nice flower patch and began picking a bouquet of daisies, daffodils and other pretty flowers that I don't know the name of. As she was flower picking, she didn't notice the shifty creepy looking man slinking up behind her. She turned slightly, noticing that something was off, and screamed. Towering above her was a man that was claimed to be a mere urban legend, an assassin of such caliber, that his very name was feared. His snake eyes leered at her as his wide smile stretched across his face mockingly. "Why hello there..._Rukia-chan_." Her eyes wide and body trembling, she pointed a shaking hand at him. "G-G-Gin Ichimaru!" He grinned, well more then before. His silver hair fell into his slitted eyes as he raised a sharp wakazashi, and pointed it at her throat. He pressed it softly into her throat, drawing a bead of blood as she shook, resigned to death, before...

He withdrew his blade and plopped down next to her, sighing miserably. Rukia blinked confused. "...Huh?" Shaking his silver head woefully, Gin placed his blade next to him and sighed again. "Dammit. I've never been able to kill cute things."

"...once again, huh?"

"I've never been able to kill cute things. First Ran-chan, now you." He repeated, his head in his hands. "I don't even _like assassinating_ people! But I have to, my Ran-chan's pregnant! I need the money!" Rukia's eyes boggled.

"HUH? Ran-chan? YOU'RE DATING RANGIKU?!" Gin nodded happily. "Yup! We're getting married in September actually." Rukia blinked. "Wow, Really? Good for you guys!"

"Yeah, we've wanted to for awhile, but when I was being an assassin for an enemy country, it was kinda complicated." Rukia nodded sympathetically. "That must've sucked." Gin nodded, "Yeah, it's why I got fired. Too distracted. And it's not like I like killing people for a living, I'm just really good at it. I mean, I've tried other jobs, but right now I can't afford to start a new career! I'm having a kid! Killing you was going to feed my family until I could find a steady non-violent job." Rukia nodded. "Huh. And you were going to kill me _why_?" Gin looked at her puzzled. "Oh, the King hired me to off ya." A vein popped in Rukia's forehead. "DAMMIT SZAYEL!" Gin nodded. "Yeah, said something about 'being fairest in all the kingdom' or something like that and you were in the way."

"...Sounds like Szayel."

"Yeah. He told me to kill you and bring him your heart in this box." Gin pulled out a simple dark wooden box, with the carving of a heart on the lid. "Huh. Creepy."

"Yup." The two sat in companionable silence. A butterfly flew by.

"So." Rukia coughed. "Um. What are you going to do now? I mean, you're not going to kill me right?" Gin shook his head. "Nah. I'll just off some random guy-"

"AHEM."

"Fine!" He glared at her, "I won't off anyone. I'll off a pig, cut out it's heart and give it to Szayel telling him it's yours. Then I'll take Rangiku and haul ass to Karakura before he notices the difference so we can live our lives in peace." Rukia nodded approvingly. "That sounds nice. Never thought I'd say this, but Rangiku's a lucky lady." Gin beamed. "Aw, Thanks! You should run though." He turned serious. "Run far away. He'll figure out that I didn't kill you, and send others after ya." Rukia nodded. "Right! Well, thanks Ichimaru-san, for not killing me and stuff." She gave Gin a small curtsy which Gin returned with a bow.

"Well, later, good luck with married life!"

"Thanks. Good luck avoiding death!"

The two _friends(?)_ parted ways and Rukia ran deep into the Forest. Frantically pushing back branches, she kept running and running until her dress was torn and her legs were scratched. She finally collapsed in a small dark clearing, panting. "-Gasp- Dammit -gasp-" She panted, "Did not think this through." She heard a deep growling and a pair of the bluest eyes she had ever seen stared at her. Eyes widening in primal fear for her life, she began to scoot back. The creature emerged from the shadows and revealed a bright blue panther. Rukia blinked. "Wow. You're quite...interesting." She had never seen a panther that color. She had also never seen an actual panther, but that wasn't the point. The panther approached her and nuzzled her outstretched hand curiously. During their interaction, other Forest Animals appeared from the shadows. A dark black bat, a sweet looking doe (deer), a scarred rabbit, a shy turtle, and a quiet bear.

Rukia smiled. "Hey guys, what's up?" Before she frowned and pointed at them. "You aren't going to maul me to death right?" the rabbit shook his head. Rukia stared at the rabbit for a minute before stars and sparkles appeared in her eyes. "YOU'RE SO CUTE!" she squealed and grabbed the poor rabbit and squeezed him to her chest. After a minute of the squeezing torture, the doe made a gesture to follow with her head and trotted deeper into the forest, with the rest of the animals and Rukia following.

The doe stopped in front of a cheerful river, with smiling fish leaping happily in and out of the river, as if to greet the princess. A small bridge made the river crossable, and across the shining river stood a decent sized cottage house, a water trough stationed outside.

"Oh!" Rukia smiled. "It's so cute. Wonder who lives here." She pondered for a moment. _Hmmm...should I do the smart thing and wait awhile to see who lives here, since the house's occupants could be rapists or killers. Or should I do the idiotic thing and waltz right in? _Rukia shrugged. _Eh. I've got nothing to do, why the hell not?_ And with that, Rukia crossed the bridge and waltzed right in. Clothes and dishes were strewn about the floors, dust covered the counters, and vermin resided in empty cans of Progressive diet soup. In other words...

"THIS PLACE IS A HELLHOLE!" Rukia exclaimed in outrage. There was only a matter of time living as an eternal maid before you became a clean freak. Rukia fell victim to this around 5 years ago. She turned to the woodland creatures residing in the doorway. "You guys wanna help me clean?" The animals shifted feet and looked awkwardly away.

"I'll sing and make pie."

The animals agreed to help clean.

The Enchanted Woodland, who weren't actually woodland, creatures cheerfully (except the panther) assisted Snow Rukia in cleaning the small cottage. The turtle and rabbit helped clean the dishes, the bat dusted and ate the vermin (bats eat bugs right?), the doe picked up clothes off the floor and gave them to the panther, who gave them to Rukia, who washed them in the river. The doe also picked up the dishes and gave them to the turtle and rabbit to wash. The bear was sweeping, how a bear would sweep is beyond me, but then again, how squirrels use their tails in the actual Snow White movie to dry dishes is beyond me too. As they worked, Rukia sang as promised.

_All I ever wanted  
was to see you smiling  
all I ever wanted  
was to make you mine  
__I know that I love you  
oh baby why don't you see  
that all I ever wanted  
was you and me _

After Rukia finished washing the clothes she went upstairs to clean each respective room. "Hmmm...that's funny. They have nicknames for each other..." she mused and shrugged, before entering "Ichigo's/Happy's" room, dusting and cleaning cheerfully.

_I'm so alone  
here on my own  
and I'm waiting for you to come  
I was to be  
a part of you  
think of all the things we could do _

And thus, Rukia did the same with Kaien, Byakuya, Toushirou, Jyuushirou (Ukitake), Kisuke, and Hanatarou's rooms.

_And everyday, you in my head  
I want to have you in my bed  
you are the one, your in my eyes  
all I ever wanted in my life _

"Finished!" Rukia exclaimed happily before marching downstairs, very quite accomplished. "Better start on that pie."

Approaching the Forest Creatures after approving their work (she wondered how animals knew how to clean in the first place), she took a vote on what type of pie they wanted. She also wondered how animals knew how to vote as she was baking the pie (apple won). After the pie was done baking and the animals were eating (Rukia was disturbed to see the doe sharing her piece with the bat like they were some type of couple), Rukia felt tired. She just cleaned a freakin' house and made pie. She was tired. Not to mention the whole attempted murder thing. She carefully debated her options. _On one hand, I could do the smart thing and sleep on the couch, _she thought, _or I could do the completely idiotic thing and sleep on one of the occupants beds, making myself a very possible victim of sexual harassment, kidnap or rape._ She continued to ponder this for about another second. _I think I'll go with the smarter plan and sleep on the couch._ And with that, she turned towards the living room, bid goodnight to the Forest Creatures, plopped down on the couch and fell asleep.

Once she was asleep, the Forest animals began to engage in conversation._** So, **_Grimmjow (the panther) growled, _**should we tell her we're actually people turned into animals or what?**_

_**Oh gee, that's a good idea. **_Hisagi (the rabbit) twitched, _**tell the nice lady that we're enchanted people. That won't scare her like it scared the other five people we've told.**_

_**You seem upset. **_Chad (the bear) grumbled, _**What's wrong?**_

_**I haven't gotten laid in about six years! What do you think is wrong?! Her hugging me to her chest was the closest thing I've had to sex since 2002!  
**_

…

_**We should trust Rukia. **_Orihime (the doe) chimed in, _**She seems more...accepting, then the others.**_

_**I agree. **_Ulquiorra (the bat) murmured.

_**Your opinions don't count. **_Grimmjow snapped. _**Your lovesick and biased. Not to mention she's your fiancee.  
**_

_**...You suck, Grimmjow Jaggerjaques.**_

_**I miss Momo. **_Kira (the turtle) sighed. All the others groaned. He talked about Momo a lot. At first it was really sweet, but now they kinda wanna kill him. They won't, but sometimes they get the urge. Grimmjow's ear perked. _**Do you hear something?**_

_**Huh? Actually, now that you mention it...**_

They heard voices at the front door, all male and growing louder and louder.

"What the-? Someone mowed our lawn!"

"Haha! Mowed our lawn! Ohhh, pretty!"

"...Kaien, that's a garden gnome."

"Tch. Whoever mowed our lawn is trespassing. Bastards."

"We will deal with the -yawn- intruder accordingly."

"Right! We should hurry! I have an-an- Ah! AHCHOO!"

"Bless you."

"-sniff-Thanks."

"No-no problem."

"I'm sure they meant well! Right?"

"Right! Let's go and see who's inside. But just in case, draw your swords."

"Hell yeah."

"...I wasn't expecting you to be so..._enthusiastic_ Shirou-chan."

"...THAT'S HITSUGAYA DAMMIT!"

Ulquiorra turned to his fellow enchanted creatures. _**Scatter.**_

And with that, they hauled ass.

* * *

Rukia stirred on the couch. She felt uncomfortable, like someone(s) was watching her...

She opened her eyes and came face to face with a dopey grin and bright aqua eyes.

"~HI!"

"AHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

OMAKE:

Rangiku Matsumoto was doing her own thing, minding her own businees when she was suddenly pulled into a closet by her fiancee. She blinked. "Gin? What-?"

"We have to leave." Gin cut to the chase. Rangiku frowned and planted her hands on her hips.

"Why? Who did you kill?"

"Who _didn't _I kill! I failed to off Rukia-chan, so the King's gonna kill us once he finds out!" Gin hissed. Rangkiu blinked. "Really? Alright Gin! Way to stay true to your morals. High five!" Their palms slapped together in triumph. Gin grinned. "Aw Thanks Ran-chan. But seriously, we HAVE to leave." Rangiku nodded.

"Alright, here's the plan. I continue doing my job, get paid, and we can haul ass to Karakura tonight." Gin turned to closet door.

"Right! Wait," Gin turned to her confused, "what do I do?" Rangiku thought about it for a minute.

"Pack our stuff and try not to get killed."

"Got it. Love ya."

"Love you."

**A/N: Thanks for reading, hope you going my first ever OMAKE thingy. Review and Gin will give you ice cream. Mmmm Ice Cream. (cookie dough or strawberry)**


	4. I'm really glad I'm not Dopey right now

**A/N: Chapter 3! You guys reviewed! AWWW! Unfortunately, I start school on Monday...so come Monday, chappies will lessen. You have been forewarned. BTW: in this story, Ichigo's mom is alive 'cuz if she wasn't then Ichigo wouldn't be happy. We just never hear or see her in this story.  
**

**I don't own Bleach. Or Snow White.**

Speaking

_emphasis/thought/song_

_**Animal Speak/super emaphasis  
**_

_**Animal Speak emphasis**_

_  
Previously on Snow Rukia:_

_Rukia stirred on the couch. She felt uncomfortable, like someone(s) was watching her..._

_She opened her eyes and came face to face with a dopey grin and bright aqua eyes._

"_~HI!"_

"_AHHHHHHHH!"_

Now, when sleeping, you are unaware of your surroundings. You are enveloped in a sweet cocoon of sweet silence and dreams. And when that cocoon is broken, you tend to lash out. So, when Rukia realized a fully grown man was crouching above her on the couch, she did the natural thing to do if you are a female in this situation.

She kicked him in the crotch and off the sofa and socked him really hard in the face. At the same time.

* * *

Ichigo, Byakuya, Kisuke, Ukitake, Toushirou, and Hanatarou watched as Kaien ran into the living room while inspecting their abnormally clean house. Ichigo inspected the clean dishes smiling. "Well, look at that. Mom used to leave the dishes like that after she cleaned them." Ichigo smiled even more when thinking about his beloved mother back home. Hanatarou inspected the clean carpet and poked it experimentally. "L-Look. T-the carpets c-clean."

"The -yawn- soup cans are missing." Byakuya yawned. "I need some sleep..."

"You ALWAYS need sleep." Hitsugaya hissed. "Does it not bother anyone that our house _magically _became clean? Someone trespassed on our property! Does that not bother _anyone?_"

The others looked at each other and shrugged.

"Eh."

"It was a nice gesture!"

"-blush-"

"-Yawn-I don't really care all that much."

"It was very ACHOO! -sniff- nice of them."

"And maybe since all the dust is gone Sneezy will sneeze less!"

"-sniff-Doubt it, man."

"Oooohhhh! Pretty lady!"

The six Shinigami paused. That last one...didn't sound right. They entered the living room to see Kaien (Dopey) crouched on the couch over a pretty girl in her mid teens, sleeping peacefully. They looked at each other confused before approaching the couch slowly and carefully. She was very lovely, with dark silken hair, soft creamy skin and had a darling frail sweetness to her. Doc (Ukitake) approached Kaien carefully and whispered, "Pssst! Kaien! Who's the girl?" Kaien shrugged and smiled his dopey smile. "I dunno!" he exclaimed cheerfully. "Just found her here!"

"Shhhh!" Ukitake hissed. "Not so loud Kaien! You'll wake her up!"

"Huh?"

The girl began to stir, groaning as she did. Kaien smiled happily and bounced a little in his crouched position giggling.

"She's waking up, waking up, waking up!" He sang, head bobbing to the tune Pop goes the Weasel. Byakuya turned to Hitsugaya, worried.

"Hey -yawn- Hitsugaya?"

"Yeah?"

"Is...Kaien on drugs?"

"Nah. We had him tested."

"Oh. Is he-"

"Tested."

The girl's dull but beautiful violet eyes opened slowly, and she blinked taking in her surroundings. Then Kaien leaned right in her face and yelled, "~HI!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

And with lightning speed, she socked him smack in the eye while kicking him in the crotch. The Shinigami winced. _That looked __**really **__painful. _They all simultaneously thought. _Really Really painful._ Kaien fell to the floor, clutching his eye and his _special place_ while twitching madly screaming, "OW! Why pretty lady? WHY?!". The girl stood up slowly, murder in her eyes, and the Shinigami backed away slowly. They backed up even more when she picked up a glass bottle and broke it in half to use as a very scary and lethal weapon.

"Uh, where'd you get the bottle?"

"I brought it out to use as a weapon in case the house belonged to perverts." She responded, brandishing the bottle with deadly accuracy. "And I do know how to use this, I used to be a maid."

They gulped.

"Hey!" Hitsugaya suddenly scowled, stepping forward and meeting Rukia in a face off. This was his house, dammit! He wasn't going to bossed around by a small frail (albeit **_very_ **scary) girl. The other Shinigami mentally praised his bravery and prepared his funeral. They were thinking lilies for the centerpieces... "_You _break into _our _house, and then bash Kaien's eye and..._happy _place and then _threaten_ us. What the **_hell_ **is wrong with you!"

"I cleaned this hellhole for you! Show some gratitude! And what do I get? Some random guy crouched over me while I'm defenseless and _sleeping_? What the hell is wrong with _**you**_?!"

Kisuke leaned towards Hitsugaya. "She has a Ah-Ah-AHCOO!" He wiped his nose with his green sleeve. "-sniff- point." He turned towards the pissed off Rukia and bowed. "My name -sniff- is Kisuke Urahara, but everyone calls me -sniff- Sneezy."

"Can't imagine why." Rukia muttered. "My name's Rukia. It's nice to meet you Sneezy." There was something about him that calmed the murderous intent....

Now that Rukia had introduced herself and was no longer radiating the desire to kill them all, the Shinigami found it safe to introduce themselves.

"My name -yawn- is Byakuya Kuchiki. These fools... and Ukitake-"

"Thanks."

"-call me Sleepy." He had cool and sleepy slate gray eyes and was very...pretty. His long silken hair shone and his attitude cold. He was pretty much a god when it came to looks, even with the weird hair curler things. He wore a silver silk scarf too. _Must resist...urge...to touch it._ Rukia thought as she stared longingly at it's....uh, well, silkiness.

A smiling teen around her age greeted her happily. He had the brightest hair she had ever seen, not to mention he was quite handsome too. But, he reminded her too much of a puppy to be attractive to her. "My name is Ichigo Kurosaki. Everyone calls me Happy!" he grinned. Rukia smiled back, almost unwillingly, at Ichigo's enthusiasm. "It nice to meet you."

The cheerful white haired man waved happily. He shone with a loving and fatherly aura, which Rukia was immediately drawn to. "My name's Jyuushirou Ukitake! Call me Doc." Rukia raised a bemused eyebrow. "Doc?" Ukitake nodded. "I'm not sure _why _they call me that, but I like it! Want some candy?" He offered, giving her a cherry lollipop. Rukia grinned. "Hell yeah!" The triumphant Ukitake turned to the little white haired boy. "See Shirou-chan! She likes candy!"

"Tch. Whatever." The small boy grumbled. "Name's Toushirou Hitsugaya. _**NOT **_Shirou-chan." Rukia blinked. "Alright Grumpy-san. I got 'cha." Hitsugaya twitched. The others laughed.

"My-My name is H-Hanatarou Yamada." A small timid boy with pale blue eyes spoke up shyly. "T-They call me B-Bashful."

"It's nice to meet you Hanatarou." Rukia said kindly, causing Hana to blush bright red. Rukia became confused. "Wait, who's the guy I punched?...and kicked."

"Oh, that's Dopey."

Rukia raised an eyebrow. "Dopey?"

"HI!" Kaien suddenly popped up again, grinning like the happiest boy in the world. The effect was ruined since he was sporting a very painful looking black eye. Rukia winced. "Um. Hi. Sorry about your eye...and your... _other_... place."

Kaien grinned. Rukia stared. He didn't say anything...just grinned.

"Eh. You get used to him." Ukitake smiled. "He's kinda...out there." Kaien grinned some more. "What's the pretty lady doing here?" He asked, like a kid asking his parents a simple question. Rukia turned to the others. "Is he-"

"Tested."

"Ah."

"So, what _are _you doing here?" Rukia tapped her finger to her chin thoughtfully.

"Well, I guess this all started after my parents died tragic deaths...."

"Really? How?"

"Not really important...for some odd reason...so anyway, my parents died tragic deaths just after I was born and my sister had to take a husband, and boy, did she choose the biggest douche ever...."

* * *

"Hi," Renji grinned. "I'm looking for Rukia-"

"She doesn't live here." Szayel said curtly. "Give up. You've bothered me about this 5 times since.." he looked at his watch, "....2:00 this afternoon." Renji frowned. "I know she lives here. I met her by your wishing well." Szayel slapped his hand to his forehead and dragged it down his face slowly in compete and utter frustration. "Look kid. GO. HOME." Renji frowned some more. "Tell me where Rukia is and deal."

Szayel sighed. "Ugh. Hate to break this to ya kid," he didn't really hate to break it to him, but he had an image, "but Rukia was killed a couple of days ago. I'm sorry." He wasn't.

Renji blinked uncomprehendingly. "Come again?" Szayel twitched. "She dead. Kicked the bucket, pushing up daisies. How could I make this more clear?!" Renji trembled. "She's...dead? But-" Szayel gave him a fake sympathetic smile and patted his shoulder. "There, there. I know it's hard, but you can move on, you've only knew her for a day." Renji shook. "But...I love her." Szayel blinked. "What? YOU'VE ONLY KNOWN HER FOR A DAY! How is that possible?" Renji shrugged, confused at the prospect of being in love with Rukia too. "I dunno. I...just...do." Szayel blinked and sighed again. "Whatever. Have a nice day." And with that, he slammed the door in Renji's face.

Renji stared at the closed door and slouched in complete and utter misery. _Alright Renji. _He thought to himself as he dragged himself over to Zabimaru (the horse). _Stay strong. DON'T CRY...in public. _And with these miserable thoughts in mind, Renji boarded his trusty steed and rode swiftly into the forest, to cry over his seemingly lost love.

_

* * *

_

Szayel stared at the closed door and walked briskly towards his dungeon/laboratory (OF SCIENCE). _Damn kids. _He thought peevishly. _Always falling in love within a day, ruining my plans or making my life more bothersome. Grr..._

Szayel did the routine check up on his comatose wife, and entered his lab through the most boring book ever (_Law and Society:Soul Society's rules and regulations _). That's why he made it his "doorknob" for his lab. Entering his lab with a spring in his step, he approached Fornicarás happily.

"Mirror Mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"

Fornicarás appeared and opened his mouth-

But Szayel beat him to it. "Yes, I should call you by your real name, I've known you for years blah blah blah." His face turned eager. "So?"

Fornicarás grumbled. "Okay....um...let's see. Alright! It's Rukia!" He proclaimed cheerfully, which quickly turned to concern when he noticed Szayel twitching. "...Uh...sir?" Szayel continued twitching. "Ru...kia?" He asked smiling, however, the smile looked twisted and creepy due to it's strained nature. "Rukia's dead silly mirror." Szayel laughed a small light (INSANE) laugh. "Gin killed her." Fornicarás used his all mighty magical mirror powers to disprove this statement. "Hmmmm...nope. She's alive. See?" And his mirror swirled with purple mist revealing an image of Rukia with the seven Shinigami talking and eating some stew (apparently she made them dinner) in the small cottage. Szayel gaped. "That's impossible! Gin sent me her heart!" To prove his point, she showed Fornicarás the dark wooden box. Fornicarás raised an eyebrow.

"Have you...looked inside the box?" Szayel stared at him before opening the box and looking inside.

"DAMMIT!"

* * *

OMAKE:

Gin and Rangiku were hauling ass to Karakura, and were crossing the Enchanted Meadow when...

"Gin, why do they call it the Enchanted Meadow? I mean, it's just a meadow." Rangiku asked puzzled. Gin grinned and shook his head in a patronizing manner. "Ran-chan, Ran-chan, Ran-chan." he said in an amused voice. "They call it the Enchanted Meadow because..." Gin trailed off confused, his grin wiped away. "You know....I actually have no idea. It's just a frickin' meadow!"

"Weird..." Rangiku murmured, looking around in awe and confusion. Gin's nose twitched.

"AHCHOO!"

"Gin! Are you getting sick?"

"-sniff- Nah. The King probably found out that I screwed him over and is cursing me at this very moment."

"Oh. ...We should hurry up then."

"Yeah...hey look! Is that crazy guy enchanting that rock?"

"Well, the rock is glowing...and levitating..."

The exchanged glances. And quickend their pace.

"That explains the who 'Enchanted Meadow' thing, I guess."

"Yup."

"...Sandwhich?"

"Sure, why not?"

* * *

**A/N: Review and Rukia will give you an apple. Not the poisoned one. Along with caramel. 'Cuz we all like caramel.**


	5. Poison Apple plus Caramel equals Death

**A/N: Yay! I don't have much to say, but second to last chappie! Longest one!  
**

**I don't own Bleach, or the band Scooter.  
**

_  
Previously on Snow Rukia:_

_"Have you...looked inside the box?" Szayel stared at him before opening the box and looking inside._

"_DAMMIT!"_

Fornicarás looked concernedly at Szayel as he rummaged around the lab, gathering many and various ingredients.

"Uh, Szayel?"

"No, no. Can't believe that bastard...I have to do everything myself...no...no...AH!" Szayel held up a thick tome of black leather and silver binding. It was titled _Deadly Poison_ in faded silver print. Fornicarás gulped. _He seriously isn't thinking..._

"I can't believe I have to kill the princess myself!" he muttered. "Incompetent fool."

"Uh, _or_," Fornicarás tried, smiling nervously, "you could _not _kill Rukia and let it go."

Szayel glared at the magical mirror, making the mirror want to shrivel up and die. "Or not. Whatever." Szayel smiled. "Ah, that's what I thought. Now let's see...Ah! The poison apple! Perfect." Fornicarás raised an eyebrow. "Uh, shouldn't you just...I don't know, stab her or something? Seems more effective. And guaranteed to work." Szayel rolled his eyes. "That has no style. Besides, the cure to a poison apple is 'true love's first kiss.' What are the odds of _that _happening?" Fornicarás considered it beneath him to respond. Szayel straightened from his position of leaning over the book and blinked.

" Hey, Fornicarás."

"Yeah?"

"Why is the cure _always _true love's first kiss?"

"How come everything magical is always connected to midnight?"

"...Touche."

For several more days, Szayel worked and worked on his beloved poison apple. He traveled miles for ingredients that the poison needed. Feathers of a crow, whiskers of a cat, and various fungi. Fornicarás looked at Szayel in exasperation as he leaned over the brewing cauldron eagerly. _This is gonna get him killed....Somehow. _Fornicarás thought irritably. _Dumbass. _After thinking these doubtful (and accurate) thoughts, he resumed watching his creator create his evil apple of death.

"Add whiskers of the midnight kitten, to enhance sleep." Szayel murmured. "A dash of rosemary, to tempt the girl....A feather of a crow, to incarnate death. Now," he grasped what looked like some type of bone and began to stir the poisonous green potion, cackling evilly. **"Boil, cauldron, boil. Death within thy depths I see, for one who dares to rival me. Through the magical recipe, become temptation and entice destruction through innocence.**" The cauldron boiled and deadly red smoke poured from it's depths. "Now," Szayel whispered in anticipation, "for the finishing touch." And grabbing the thin twine tied to the apple's stem, he dipped the innocent apple into the vat of fatal poison. The once sweet harmless apple was now covered in thick green poison before fading into a lustrous red shine. It looked simply delicious. Szayel smirked cruelly. "Perfect...now, time to visit dear Nee-chan- what's that?" He noticed a purple hell butterfly flying softly towards him and alighting on his long outstretched finger. "I bring message from the Royal Medical Staff." the Hell Butterfly crooned in a sexless voice. "Lady Hisana has awoken from her coma. She requests her sisters presence." And with that, the butterfly flew off. Szayel stood there, confounded.

"...Crap."

_Well, that was unexpected. _Fornicarás thought.

* * *

Rukia hummed cheerily as she set the table for the Shinigami before they went off to work. They worked for a organization called 'Gotei 13', who slayed evil monsters that resided in the mountains. Rukia didn't know they _had _evil monsters in the Kingdom but still! Kickass. As she finished setting the table, she set out a range of breakfast goods. Pancakes, waffles and oatmeal as well as strawberries, blueberries and orange juice. Her smile turned evil as she turned to her 'Woodland' creature friends. Still grinning evilly she whispered, "You know what to do." The creatures smirked (she wasn't sure how animals could smirk) and ran upstairs to do what had to be done. Rukia's evil smirk grew as she heard the screams.

"OWWWWWW! YOU! YOU FRICKIN' CAT!"

"EEEEEKKKKKK! BAT!

"Bah! Oh, it's just a doe....alright. ZZZZZZ...."

"Grrr..."

"HOLY SHIT! BEAR!"

"Ow! That rabbit just _bit_ me."

"Oof! Turtle...crushed...diaphragm..."

"CUTE!"

"MROWRRR! HISS!"

Rukia laughed her ass off hearing the Shinigami's reaction to their little 'wake up calls'. Jogging towards the foot of the stairs, she called out, "BREAKFAST IS READY! GET YOUR ASSES UP SO YOU'RE NOT LATE!" Footsteps pounded the floors and Kaien jumped down the stairs eagerly. "Yay! Pretty Rukia made food!" he exclaimed happily, running arms outstretched towards his place at the table. Ichigo followed right behind him, quickly thanking Rukia whilst running. Hanatarou followed shyly, blushing madly as Rukia ruffled his hair affectionately. Kisuke came next, and happily accepted the tissue that Rukia offered. Ukitake came in and patted her head affectionately, along with Toushirou and Byakuya who both nodded in acknowledgment, although Byakuya's nodded was sluggish with sleep.

As they settled around the table, Rukia busied herself with making their lunches, thinking back on how she came to stay at the eccentric Shinigami cottage.

_Flashback_

"_...and then the Forest animals led me here." Rukia finished her story to the perplexed group. They continued to stare uncomprehendingly before..._

"_How do animals know how to clean?" Ukitake asked dumbfounded. Rukia shrugged. "It's beyond me, I wanna know how they know to vote." Ukitake nodded in agreement. "Point."_

"_So...Pretty Rukia is running away from Bad Bastard King?" Kaien asked innocently. Rukia nodded. "Yup. That's pretty much it." Kaien blinked. "Oh. Can Pretty Rukia stay with us? Please?" Kaien turned to the others, puppy dog eyes at the ready. They shielded their eyes, and turned away. "I dunno Dope." Kisuke said apologetically. "I mean-mean- AHHCOO! -sniff-"_

"_Bless you Sneezy."_

"_Thanks. But I'm not sure we can let her stay...I want her too..."_

"_I know how to cook, clean, and somehow make animals like me via singing." Rukia offered. Kisuke thought on it for a minute and after getting the 'Yeah sure, why not?' head bob from the others, grinned. "Those are very good qualities. You're hired!" _

"_Yes!...Wait, what?"_

_End Flashback_

_What weird freaks. _Rukia thought, looking at them from the kitchen counter. _But they're **my **freaks. _Glancing at the clock, her eyes widened at the time. "Shit! You guys have to go!" She hurried and gave them their respective lunches and coats (some of her boys were captains!) and quickly fixed Byakuya's hair. "Remember, Kick Hollow Ass, no rough housing with each other EXCEPT training. Byakuya, Ichigo, this means you." She sent a reprimanding glare towards the abashed Shinigami. "And if I mixed up your lunches, switch them until you get them right." She then proceeded to shoo them out the door, worried they would be late. Once the group of Shinigami had left, she proceeded to clean up breakfast, mind wandering. _I wonder if Renji still remembers me..._she thought wistfully.

* * *

_**Meanwhile, In Rukongai District 6**_

Ikkaku, Yumichika, and Iba looked at Renji concerned. This was his sixth drink since they entered the bar. Ten minutes ago.

"Uh, Renji?" Ikkaku asked. The drunken and miserable Renji looked up at him with bloodshot eyes. "Yeah? 'Sup maaaaan?" Renji slurred. "I'm kinda worried dude...isn't this...a little much?" Iba asked, _very _uncomfortable. Renji grinned a drunkards grin, causing his friends to wince. A drunkards grin was broken, full of regret. "Naaaahhhhh, she's gone man." Renji's face seemed to break and his shoulders shook in misery. "SHE'S FUCKIN' GONE!" he howled and collapsed head first onto the wooden table.

The three friends exchanged bewildered glances. Ikkaku reached out and patted him on the back in what he hoped was a comforting manner.

"Uh, there there?"

* * *

_Nah. Probably found some really hot chick to be his girlfriend._ Rukia sighed. As she washed the boys breakfast dishes and placed them on the drying rack. "Well," she turned to her animal chums, "you guys wanna help me clean?" The animals looked away awkwardly.

"-sigh-I'll sing and make pie."

The animals agreed to help clean.

* * *

SLAM!

Fornicarás looked up to Szayel dragging his feet wearily towards him. Sympathy washed over his...disembodied head. "Finally ditched her?"

"Gah." Fornicarás winced. "Was it that bad?"

Szayel groaned. "Wouldn't. Stop. Asking... So. Much. Asking." Fornicarás winced some more. "...uh, ouch. So, what'd ya tell her?"

Szayel massaged his temples, wearily. "I told her that she was visiting a friend, and that I would bring her back home." Fornicarás raised an eyebrow. "When, in fact, you're going to _kill _her."

"That's the plan." Szayel began muttering to himself, browsing his collection of potions, before pulling out a dark dusty green bottle. Fornicarás sweatdropped (metaphorically). "Uh, what are you doing?" Szayel threw him a withering glance. "Disguising myself. Hello?" And with that, he uncorked the bottle and poured out a thick red liquid into a cup. The liquid bubbled and made sluggish popping noises from the depths of the glass drinking device. Fornicarás and Szayel looked at the potion, pure revulsion on their faces, before looking back at each other.

"You're...actually going to _drink _that? That's inhuman."

"Shut up." And with that, Szayel pinched his nose and shuddered, before downing the vile liquid like a shot. Smacking his lips, he stood there, looking around.

"Well, that didn't do-ACK!" Clutching his throat, he withered as he began to change. His pink locks turning to ashen gray, his skin becoming withered and wrinkled with 'age'. His back grew hunched, and his clothes changed into black peasant robes. His nose grew, his eyes bulged, his glasses fell to the floor and shattered. Szayel lay hunched on all fours, panting on the stone floor. Fornicarás cautiously opened his eyes, wary of what he would see. Szayel stood up and faced the traumatized mirror.

"BAH!" Fornicarás screamed in shock and horror. "DAMN THAT'S SCARY!" Szayel blinked. "Huh? What are you talking about?" Fornicarás blinked. "What are _you_ talking about, you're...a hag!" Szayel blinked. "What? The potion was supposed to turn me into a and I quote, 'a handsome stranger.'"

"Well, it didn't. Trust me." Szayel frowned, and Fornicarás died a little inside at the ugliness. "Prove it."

Fornicarás disappeared in a swirl of purple mist, leaving the mirrors original reflective surface for Szayel to see.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Hey, I just thought of something. Since Hisana and Rukia look pretty much the same, won't Hisana be the fairest of them all once Rukia kicks the bucket?"

"..."

"...What?"

* * *

Szayel grumbled as he made his way across the river on a small river. Next to him lay a basket of lovely ripe apples, and among the bushel was his poisoned one. Still grumbling, he made his way to the Shinigmai cottage. _Damn potion. _He mutinously, _Stupid aging side effect. _After having made his way across the river, he trudged his way through the forest towards the cottage. On his way he passed a freakishly familiar looking doe. _Huh. _He thought. _Weird._

_Dangit!_ The deer (Orihime) thought. _It's Szayel! …What did he do to himself? _She shook her head. _No time!_ And she raced off to tell the others.

**Five Minutes Later**

Orihime ran up to her animal associates, who were outside taking a break. _**Guys! Something horrible is about to happen! **_Orihime exclaimed once she caught up to them.

_**Izuru is going to serenade Momo again? **_Hisagi asked, horrified at the memory. Izuru glared. _**Shut up.**_

Orihime blinked. _**Wha-? No. Szayel's coming to most likely kill Rukia!**_ The animals gasped/growled, 'cuz Grimmjow doesn't gasp. _**Yeah, I saw him coming in disguise.**_Orihime continued. The other animals exchanged glances with each other. _**Uh, are you sure it was Szayel? **_Chad asked. _**I mean, it could've been someone else-**_

Just then, Szayel walked by up the cobble stone path to the cottage past our furry enchanted friends. The animals blinked. _**Well, that proves that. No one smells that fruity 'cept Szayel. **_Grimmjow growled. _**We need backup! I can't believe I'm saying this, but we need to get the Shinigami.**_The others nodded and dashed/flew off. 

_**How hard was it for you to say that? **_Ulquiorra asked Grimmjow while flying above towards the Gotei 13.

_**It went against all natural instincts. **_

_**Ah.**_

As the animals dashed to what they hoped was NOT their last chance, but the most successful one, Szayel approached our female young protagonist, who was sighing forlornly and fantasizing about her handsome prince. Every female protagonist has to do that sometime during a fairy tale, or at least something similar. Szayel knocked on the door. "Hello?" Rukia turned to look at the old man that was seemingly a stranger, but who wasn't really a stranger, at her door.

"Hello-BAH!" Rukia shouted out. "Holy crap! Uh, sorry. Um, who are you exactly?"

"Oh me? I'm...uh..." Szayel inwardly cursed. _Shit! I need a backup story. Knew I was forgetting something. _"Oh, I'm a poor old peasant selling apples to make a living." _Yeah...that'll work._ Rukia raised an eyebrow. "Um...okay? So..." The two stood across from each other awkwardly. Rukia coughed.

"Would you like to buy some apples dear?" Szayel finally broke the awkward silence. Rukia blinked, relieved to have something to talk about. "Wha-? Oh! Sure, I was going to make a pie anyway." Rukia chose five apples from the basket, and somehow managed to avoid the poison one. Szayel twitched. After giving Szayel the money to pay for the apples, Rukia made to close the door. "Wait dear!" Szayel called out, causing Rukia to pause. "Would you like to try an apple?" Rukia shook her head, smiling. "Oh, that's alright, you don't have to waste-"

"TRY. AN APPLE." Szayel grit out. "Please?" Rukia blinked, and looked at Szayel warily, moving to choose the apple at the top of the basket, which still wasn't the poison one. Szayel twitched.

"Not that one." Rukia moved to choose another apple, which was still not the poisoned one. "No, not that one." Rukia finally chose the right (poisonous) apple, and asked, "Is this one good?" Szayel smiled. "Yes, that one is fine." Giving Szayel a strange look Rukia raised the shiny red apple to her mouth. Szayel leaned forward in anticipation.

**Meanwhile, at the Gotei 13**

_I was made for loving you, baby  
You were made for loving me  
And I cant get enough of you baby  
Can you get enough of me? _

Kaien sang happily as he sliced through a roaring, soulless killing monster. The Hollow roared in agony before it disappeared to God knows where. The six others looked at him amused and wary at his singing. Sleepy (Byakuya) turned to Doc (Ukiatke) and whispered, "Aren't we supposed to sing 'Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, We kill Hollows as we go'?" Ukitake shrugged. "Eh, let him have his fun." Ukitake turned back to Kaien and Ichigo. "They seem to enjoy it." Ichigo and Kaien had linked arms and were now singing and dancing in a circle.

_I was made for loving you, baby  
You were made for loving me  
And I cant get enough of you baby  
Can you get enough of me? _

Hanatarou frowned. "D-do you hear something?" he asked timidly. They all turned to see Rukia's forest creature friends running towards them. They skidded to a halt in front of them and began growling/shrieking/any other animal noise you can think of. The Shinigami stared. They stared back.

_**Oh for the love of God! **_Grimmjow growled. **_Someone get me a stick! _**Ulquiorra gave him a stick, and grabbing it in his mouth, he traced out this message in the dirt;

_Rukia's in danger. Haul ass and save her, you friggin' morons!_

The Shinigami blinked. And blinked some more. "How did he _do_ that?" Kisuke asked. The Shinigami shrugged. "I dunno, but Rukia -yawn- is in danger." Byakuya stated. "We must -yawn- hurry." They nodded and shunpoed towards the cottage.

**Back at the cottage**

Rukia raised the apple to her mouth, and Szayel leaned forward in anticipation. She was just about to take a bite,

"You know," Rukia said thoughtfully, pulling the apple away from her mouth, "this would go really well with caramel." She walked towards the kitchen and Szayel seemed to deflate. "Huh?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna make some caramel to go with this!" Rukia said cheerfully. "Wanna sit down while I make it?" Szayel face palmed. "Yeah, sure. I've got nothing else to do."

**With the Shinigami/Forest Creatures**

They were still shunpoing/running through the forest to save Snow Rukia.

...Still running.

**The cottage**

"Do you want some tea Mister?"

"-twitch- No thanks, I'm good."

"Okay."

**Shinigami/Forest Animals**

...Still running.

**The cottage**

"Caramel's almost done!"

"FINALLY!"

"...What?"

"Nothing."

**Shinigami/Forest Animals**

...Still running, but were approaching the clearing where the cottage was.

**The cottage**

Rukia happily placed a bowl of caramel and a bowl full of (poisoned) apple slices on the table in front of Szayel and sat down. Taking a apple slice, she dipped it in the caramel...and took a bite. The second she swallowed, her eyes rolled up into the back of her head and she slumped out of the chair onto the ground, the apple slice still grasped loosely in her hand. Szayel stood up and walked over to her. Crouching down, he poked at her experimentally. She did not move.

Poke.

Still didn't move.

POKE.

...Still didn't move.

Szayel stood, laughing triumphantly. "FINALLY! It took 30 minutes longer then planned, but she finally ate the friggin' apple!" He swept out of the room, smiling evilly, leaving our poor protagonist Snow Rukia on the ground, in a Sleeping Death. Or as we say nowadays, a coma. He stepped out of the cottage and noticed the Shinigami racing towards him angrily. "Oh...Shit."

"There he is!" yelled out Kisuke.

"Get him!" Toushirou roared.

"His head is mine!" Kaien chirped. Hanatarou stared, before focusing on the important matters at hand. Szayel ran and ran up the conveniently located mountain, as it conveniently began to rain for dramatic effect, with the Shinigami following up it's dangerous ledges and so forth. Szayel came to the edge of a ledge, the only things around was a random out of place pile of boulders. Szayel raised an eyebrow. _Okaaayyy...that's a little weird._ He turned back to the rain soaked pissed off Shinigami and braced himself for the oncoming battle.

"HAAAHHHH!"

"SING! BENIHIME!" Red energy flew at Szayel, who expertly dodged, but it did hit the out of place pile of boulders. Szayel smirked and charged a pale violet ball of energy in his palm, shooting it at the Shinigami.

"CRAP! DODGE!" They all jumped out of the way quickly. Byakuya landed a little behind from Szayel and fired.

"Hadou no yong: -yawn- Byakurai!" Pale blue lightning shot from his fingers, blasting Szayel forwards. Byakuya allowed a small smirk, but that was wiped away when Szayel cast a spell to knock the rock he was standing on away. Byakuya fell, and grasped the edge of the cliff desperately and called out, "I am alright. Please resume battling." Okay, he didn't _call _out, but you get the idea.

"GETSUGA," Ichigo roared, black and red energy forming around his blade, "TENSHO!" A powerful energy blast zoomed towards Szayel, who dodged, the pile of boulders taking the blast. A small pebble was dislodged from the pile. They all stopped as the boulders suddenly seemed to shake before they came tumbling down towards Szayel and Shinigami. _Oh...crap._ They all thought as the rocks raced towards them.

"OVER HERE!" Hitsugaya called out and raised his sword. "Reign over the frosted heavens, Hyorinmaru!" A giant dragon made of ice flowed from his blades tip, and froze an icy ledge of safety above and away from the rock-alanche. They all climbed on to the safety of the icy platform when;

"CRAP! BYAKUYA!" Kaien screamed out, only just remembering that Byakuya wasn't with them. As the conveniently place pile of boulders conveniently crushed Szayel and threw him off the steep mountain cliff to his death, the rocks began to **in**conveniently head towards Byakuya, who had just climbed back up towards the 'safety' of the mountain cliff ledge.

Byakuya looked towards the rock-alanche that was coming at an alarming rate towards him, intent on crushing him to his doom. Yawning and drawing his sword, only two words were uttered.

"Scatter. Senbonzakura." The cherry petals of death zoomed silently towards the rocks, and for a moment, all they saw was pink. Then the pink petals returned to Byakuya's hilt to reform the blade of his sword, the rocks all turned to rubble. It was quiet except for the pitter patter of rain until...

"Well, that pile of boulders sure was convenient, huh? ACHOO!"

**A/N: Yay! Szayel's dead. The spell at the beginning in bold was actually the spell used in Disney's Snow White deleted scene (according to Disney wiki). Except the last sentence, I thought the real ending sounded stupid, so I changed it to something that hopefully wasn't stupid. This is a pretty short story, the next chappie is going to be the last. Review and receive some nice warm hot chocolate. With or without marshmallows!**


	6. The End and Epilouge!

**A/N: It's over. This feels weird, like it always does when you finish a story.**

**I don't own Bleach or Snow White.**

Speaking

_emphasis/thought/song_

_**Animal Speak/super emaphasis  
**_

_**Animal Speak emphasis**_

_Previously on Snow Rukia:_

_It was quiet except for the pitter patter of rain until..._

"_Well, that pile of boulders sure was convenient, huh? ACHOO!"_

The Seven Shinigami descended from the dangerous mountain down to the small grassy clearing where their cottage rested. Sprinting towards the cottage, the burst in through the front door and raced towards the kitchen. To their utmost horror, Rukia lay unconscious on the kitchen floor, an apple slice in her hand. But what was really surprising was...

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS?!" Toushirou screamed in anger at the sight of the 6 random strangers surrounding Rukia. A tall rugged blue haired man wearing the white garb of the Kingdom of Las Noches, with his jacket completely open to show his muscular chest, next to him was smaller handsome man with shaggy black hair and emerald green eyes as well as green tear marks extending from his eyes to his chin. He was also wearing the traditional white of Las Noches, only his jacket was more refined with coattails and his jacket zipped all the way up. A big busted girl with long sunset hair, wearing a simple pink T shirt and skirt, was crouched next to Rukia, her hands clasped in her lap, the green eyed man's hand on her shoulder. A frickn' huge silent Mexican man stood off to the side, wearing the brightest shirt they had ever seen. A willowy man with long blond hair (on only one side of his face) stood in the traditional black of the Seretei, along with the man with the 69 tattoo and scars, who was also wearing black. The strangers looked at each other. "Uhh..." Ichigo walked forward, disbelief on his face, morphing into a happy smile.

"Chad! Inoue!" He exclaimed happily. The Mexican and red haired girl smiled at sight of their old friend. "Kurosaki-kun!" the girl waved happily in greeting. "How are you?"

Ichigo ran forward and hugged his two lost friends happily. "Wow! I haven't seen you guys in years!" Ichigo sighed. "Where have you been?"

"We were captured and enchanted into Forest animals." Chad's quiet deep voice rang out. "All of us." Kaien paused, pointing at them. "Then...you're Pretty Rukia's Forest Friends?" he asked innocently. The Shinigami blinked. "Well," Ukitake mused, "that would explain how you know how to write. And clean. And vote." The blond one nodded.

"We were all on various missions, when we were captured by the sorcerer Szayel Aporro Grantz, and transformed into animals. Something about being 'too pretty to live'" The blonde blinked and continued. "My name's Izuru Kira, Seretei Knight. These are my friends," he pointed to each person as he named them, "this is Shuuhei Hisagi of Seretei," he pointed to the man with the 69 tattoo, "this is Grimmjow Jaggerjaques of Las Noches," he pointed to the blue haired scowling man, "that's Ulquiorra Schiffer of Las Noches," the gestured to the man with the tear marks, "and you already know Orihime and Chad of Karakura." he finished. "...I still miss Mo-Ack!" The 'Ack' was from when Shuuhei punched him in the head.

The Shinigami stared as he fell to the floor next to Rukia. Kaien wailed. "Pretty Rukia's dead! NOOOO! Not Pretty Rukia!" He began to cry over her body, Ichigo and Hanatarou crying as well. The other Shinigami were slightly more mature, and thus had that weird thing were they thought they had to be strong, and not cry no matter what. Orihime sobbed, and Ulquiorra wrapped his arms around her and she cried into his chest. The other Forest animals, who were no longer animals, stood in silent vigil over Rukia's dead body.

* * *

Days passed. The Shinigami had pulled all the stops and made a lovely glass coffin for Rukia. They couldn't bring themselves to bury her. At least until she started decaying anyway. Placing her in the glass coffin, they took the coffin into a clearing where the sakura blossoms bloomed. They came to the clearing everyday to pay respect and to drag the sobbing Kaien away from the 'grave'. Besides this tragic 'death' that crippled the happiness of the Shinigami's lives, things were going okay. The no longer Forest creatures went back home to live the remainder of their lives.

_Flashback_

"_Kurosaki-kun, I want to tell you something." Orihime said shyly, fiddling with her fingers. Ichigo looked up from throwing away and burning the deadly apple. "Yeah Inoue?" Orihime smiled. "It's about Ulquiorra." Ichigo scowled, a great contrast to his normally happy attitude. He remembered Ulquiorra well. Before he went missing, Ulquiorra was one of his greatest rivals. In other words, he hated him. A lot. Grimmjow too, but not as much as Ulquiorra. "Yeah? What about him?" Ichigo asked. Orihime took a deep breath, and smiled so widely he was surprised it didn't break her face in half. Her voice filled with pure happiness, Orihime broke the news to him. "Ulquiorra and I...we're getting married!"_

"_...WHAT?!"_

**Meanwhile, Back at Seretei Palace**

Izuru and Shuuhei were walking about to their quarters in the West Wing of the castle where the Knights resided. They had just told the story of Snow Rukia and Szayels treachery to the awakened Queen, who was healthier then ever.

_Flashback_

"_...and that's the story, my Queen." Izuru finished to his shocked Lady. "He...killed my sister? That son of a bitch! I'm gonna kill him!"_

"_Um, he's already dead. He fell of a mountain cliff."_

"_Oh. Well, I'm going to relish his humiliating death and laugh at him then. That bastard."_

"_...Of course, my Lady."_

So, they were walking when,

"Izuru!" Shuuhei face palmed. "Aw man." Izuru whipped around and began to run towards the love of his life, a small girl with dark chocolate hair and milk chocolate eyes . "Momo! Momo I-Mpphh!" The 'Mpphhh' was from when she tackled him to the ground, kissing the hell out of him.

"Oh, come on!" Shuuhei yelled in exasperation. "How do _you_, Mister Emo, get a girlfriend_ that _fast?!"

"I think they were dating before he left." A soft female voice spoke from behind him and he turned around to come face to face with Isane Kotetsu. "They're probably just making up for lost time." she continued, but Hisagi stopped listening awhile ago. She was _hot._ Dressed in a simple maids outfit, her soft silver hair enhanced her soft doe hazel eyes. Two strands of her hair were braided on the right side of her head, and she wore long dangly red earrings. And her body....if he was a complete and utter idiot he would've wolf whistled. He smirked boyishly at this unknown goddess. "Why, hello there. My name's Shuuhei Hisagi. May I ask yours, beautiful?" She blinked and blushed pink. Hisagi's smirk widened. She was a shy one. Cute. "Isane Kotetsu. It's nice to meet you Shuuhei."

So, Ulquiorra and Orihime got married, with Grimmjow as the best man. They returned to Karakura to live a life in peace, with Ulquiorra and Orihime as King and Queen, because apparently Orihime's brother Sora died in an tragic accident while she was missing, like many brother/father figures of princess' tend to. That, and Las Noches sucked. No way were they going back to that hellhole. Chad returned to Karakura, and resumed his job as a knight with his friend Uryuu Ishida, who apparently got married while he was gone. Chad was quite happy for his friend and his wife, Nemu. Despite her...quirkiness.  


* * *

Seasons passed, and it was the first summer after Rukia's death. Her body hadn't decayed or lost any of its beauty at all, and the Shinigami figured it was a magic thing. So, after the daily paying respects and informing Rukia's body about what was going on, they proceeded to do as they did every week. Drag a crying Kaien away from the coffin.

"Dammit Kaien." Ichigo grunted, pulling on the back of Kaien's uniform. "Just. Let. Go!" Kaien shook his head frantically. "NO! I won't leave Pretty Rukia!"

"Come on Kaien." Ukitake panted, assisting Ichigo with the pulling. "-sigh-" He turned to Kisuke. "Prepare the tranquilizer." Kisuke grinned and pull out a tranquilizer gun and loading it with a small dart.

Normally, this scenario would end with Kisuke shooting Kaien with the tranquilizer gun and they would leave carrying Kaien's body with them. However, due to a convenient twist of fate, the heartbroken prince (Renji) happened to be conveniently walking by. Conveniently. As he was walking by, he heard Kaien say, "No! I won't leave Pretty Rukia!" Normally, he would ignore the ramblings of what he _thought_ was a mentally challenged man _if_ he hadn't said Rukia. Intrigued by the mention of his presumably dead love, he made his way towards the sound of a gun loading. Entering the clearing, he was met with a strange sight. A dark haired crying man was clutching a glass coffin, and five other men were attempting to drag him away. Seeing as they were failing miserably, a man with shaggy blonde hair and a white and green striped bucket was aiming what looked like a tranquilizer gun. Renji cleared his throat. "Um. What's going on?"

The Shinigami looked at the red haired man with the jagged tattoos nervously. "Uhhhhh. Nothing." They all chorused, except Kaien, who was still crying. Renji pointed to Kaien. "Is he-?"

"Tested." Renji blinked. He approached the glass coffin curiously and gasped when he saw the princess he met so long ago and fell in love with inside, looking perfectly at peace and, well, perfect. He leaned down and removed the glass blocking him from his love.

"Hey! What do you think y-you're doing?" Asked Hanatarou upset. Renji waved him off.

"HEY! He asked you a question jackass!" Kaien yelled out pissed. A vein popped in Renji's forehead, and the rest sweatdropped (metaphorically). Renji turned to Kaien. "Would you shut up? I'm having a sentimental moment here!" Kaien pouted. "Hmph!" Renji rolled his eyes and turned back to Rukia's sleeping face.

_Even in death she's more beautiful then anything I've ever seen. _Renji thought lovingly. Captivated by her beauty, he leaned down and captured her lips with his own. That is until he was pulled off by seven pissed Shinigami. _Oh, that's it._ Renji thought, pissed as Hell that his moment was ruined. "WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?!" Toushirou yelled out. Renji was about to retort when,

"HIS PROBLEM? WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?!" A angry and _awake_ Rukia yelled out, sitting up from her sleeping position. "YOU JUST INTERRUPTED THE MOST ROMANTIC MOMENT OF MY LIFE!" She then noticed them all gaping at her. "...What?" She was then glomped by Kaien, still crying, yelling out "Pretty Rukia's alive!" Rukia blinked and put her hand up to Kaien's face and began to push him away. "Okay...what the hell's going on?"

And thus, the princess (Rukia) was reunited with the love of her life and prince (Renji) and with the blessing of her most trusted friends and guards (Shinigami), she and Renji and Shinigami returned to the castle in triumph. Rukia and Hisana were happily reunited and hugged and cried and all the other stuff sisters do when one of them falls into a coma, only to awaken to find the other one had fallen into a coma in said sisters absence.

"Rukia, I'm so glad you're alright!" Hisana sighed happily hugging her younger sister, which Rukia happily returned. "I'm happy you're alright too Nee-san!" Suddenly, Hisana pulled her aside and whispered, "Who's the really hot guy who escorted you here?" Rukia blinked. "...Renji? Back off sis, he's mine." Hisana laughed. "Not him, that _really _hot guy with the weird hair noodles." Rukia gaped. "BYAKUYA?!" Hisana's face turned dreamy. "Mmmmm, Byakuya...." Rukia could only stare.

"What do you think they're -sniff- talking about?" Kisuke whispered. Ichigo shrugged. "I dunno. What do you think Kaien? Kaien?" He asked looking around. "Where'd he go?" Hanatarou pointed, "He's over there, making out with the Queen's friend." Kisuke and Ichigo whirled around to see that, yes, Kaien _was _making out with Hisana's best friend Miyako. Ichigo blinked. "Holy...shit..." Just then Rukia walked up to them, staring at nothing. "Hey Rukia, you okay?" asked a concerned Renji. Rukia nodded dully. "My sister has the hots for Byakuya."

"WHAT?!"

"My sister likes Byakuya! They're flirting right now!" Rukia repeated pointing at the pair, who were, indeed, flirting. The other five Shinigami (and Renji) gaped.

"What is happening to the world?" Toushirou asked in complete wonderment as Hanatarou passed out when Byakuya leaned over and kissed Hisana.

A week later, Renji and Rukia got married, since all fairy tale couples get married _way_ too fast and yet somehow it all works out perfectly. As Renji helped her mount Zabimaru, before mounting himself, she waved to all her friends that came to the wedding. Hisana and Byakuya were together, Byakuya's arm around her waist and his lips turned up into what _could've _been a smile. Ichigo, Toushirou, and Hana attended her wedding as bachelors along with Grimmjow. Ukitake brought a date from work, Retsu Unonhana, who was actually Hana's boss. Kaien and Miyako were there together as well, Kaien calling her 'Beautiful Miyako'. Chad nodded and smiled, and Orihime waved enthusiastically from Ulquiorra's side. Izuru and Momo were there together too, as well as (Rukia was surprised to see) Hisagi and Isane. _Didn't see __**that **__one coming. _Rukia thought. Even Kisuke got a date. He attended the wedding with Noble Yoruichi Shihōin, who thought he was 'frickin' hilarious'. Renji turned to Rukia, grinning like mad. "You ready?" Rukia smiled.

"Yeah. Let's go."

And with that, they rode off into the forest towards the Kingdom of Rukongai. Yeah, that's right. They didn't ride off into the sunset. Who get's married at sunset anyway?

And they, like every other stereotypical fairy tale ending, lived happily ever after.

**END**

**A/N: Review, they make me feel happy and encouraged to write other stuff once I'm randomly hit with inspiration. Also, I'll give you cyber transmitted Chinese food.  
**


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